10 Things Voters Hate About You

The GOP's 10 Point Fall Campaign Plan!

Making this public on the free side of the payroll, thanks to a generous sponsor.

Dear Republicans:

If you’re a Republican candidate or strategist this fall, take a moment, pour yourself a very stiff glass of Olde Ocelot Bourbon, neat, stare into the middle distance, and repeat the mantra: “We have so much to run on.”

Because you do.

Oh, you absolutely do.

Never in modern American politics has a party assembled such a glittering arsenal of voter-repelling, focus-group-failing, swing-district-destroying, coalition-breaking issues. It’s like watching a NASCAR pit crew deliberately replace all four tires with cinder blocks and then wondering why the car won’t turn left.

It’s like watching Melania pretend to hold Trump’s hand in public, when all she’s thinking is, “Vere is . It’s like imagining J.D. Vance, a pleather couch, and a 55-gallon drum of Temu lube. It’s like Ghislaine Maxwell opening a chain of day care centers.

None of it is pretty. Much of it is politically fatal. And you own it all.

Let’s review this embarrassment of riches.

1. Donald Trump’s Awesome Land War In Asia!

Nothing says “trust us with your future” like a war that the American people didn’t want, don’t understand, and increasingly suspect was launched for reasons that have all the factuality of a Trump Crypto scam pitch deck. It’s expensive, it’s dangerous, and it’s politically toxic.

And it’s just getting bloody.

But the real genius here is the messaging. Republicans can now campaign on a conflict that has no clear endpoint, no clearly articulated objective or strategy, and no measurable success. Voters love ambiguity in wartime, especially when it comes with a rising body count and a mounting bill.

Sure, historically, wars tend to get less popular over time, not more. But maybe this one will be different. Maybe this is the war that finally reverses the trend. Maybe voters will wake up in October and say, “You know what I love? A land war in Asia! A geopolitical disaster that made us less safe and made gas cost more!”

2. Tariffs Are Making Us Rich!

And by “us” I mean, “no one.”

If you’ve ever wondered what it would look like to deliberately raise costs on American consumers while calling it patriotism, wonder no more. The MAGA GOP has cracked the code.

Tariffs are the political equivalent of setting your own house on fire and then blaming the smoke damage on your neighbor. Prices go up. Supply chains get squeezed. Small businesses and farms get screwed. And somehow, the pitch is, “This is good for you.”

And yet…oddly…still no tariff checks for MAGA voters. Weird.

There’s a certain perverse elegance to it. Republicans spent decades branding themselves as the party of free markets, only to pivot into a kind of drunken nostalgia for grievance-soaked protectionism that leaves voters paying more for everything from groceries to clothes to technology.

Nothing says “economic leadership” like kicking off more inflation and making life more expensive on purpose.

3. Five Hours Of Fun! The TSA Shutdown!

Ah yes, governance by tantrum.

Shutting down a core function of government like airport security is one of those ideas that probably sounded great in a late-night strategy session fueled by Stephen Miller emerging from his H.R. Geiger-themed masturbatorium wearing the skin of a small child and shrieking, “MASTER! I am a GENIUS!”

In practice, it looks like chaos: backed-up lines, missed flights, furious travelers, and a creeping sense that the adults have left the building. Deploying the supercops of ICE isn’t making the lines move any faster.

Airports are one of the few places where Americans of all political stripes come together in shared misery. Republicans have managed to take that baseline irritation and crank it into full-blown rage. No one is buying that the Democrats, who have now offered eight times to fund TSA, but your boy Donald won’t budge. Strategery!

But sure, run on that. Tell voters you broke the thing that gets them safely from point A to point B. I’m sure that’ll poll great in the swing seats.

4. Drain The Swamp Into Trump’s Wallet!

In a more innocent time, corruption was something politicians tried to hide. There was at least a nod toward shame, a fig leaf of plausible deniability.

Those days are gone.

What we’re seeing now is corruption that’s loud, proud, and practically daring voters to do something about it. Trump crime family members are cashing in. Jared is offering Ivanka foot pics to MBS for more “investments” into his “hedge fund.” (And by “investments” we mean bribes, and by “hedge fund” we mean Trump’s pocket.

Yesterday, we learned Trump stole classified documents from the White House to help his post-2020 business deals. Voters love that!

Cronies embedded everywhere. Government contracts for sale, as long as the right people get a cut, right, Lewandowski? Everyone inside gets a deal, a handshake, a pardon. Everyone else? Screwed.

And the worst part? It’s sloppy. It’s not even competent corruption. It’s the kind of brazen, in-your-face grift that makes voters feel like suckers for playing by the rules.

“Drain the swamp” has become “Venmo me, bitch,” and voters are catching on.

5. America Loves Higher Health Insurance Prices!

If there’s one issue that reliably terrifies American voters, it’s health care. People may disagree on policy details, but they’re united in one simple desire: not to go broke or die because they got sick.

So naturally, Republicans have decided this is the perfect place to pick a fight.

Cut access. Raise costs. Wrap it all in bureaucratic language and hope no one notices until it’s too late. Do it so Elon Musk gets a tax cut.

It’s a bold electoral strategy: “Vote for us, and we’ll make your life more precarious.” I’m sure that Russell Vought has the memory of writing this policy somewhere in his cruelty spank bank, but for people who worry about health care, and MAGA voters are just as likely to have taken the ACA subsidy per capita, it’s great messaging.

6. The Unpopular 4.2% Inflation

Inflation is one of those unspinnable kitchen-table issues that voters feel every single day. It’s not abstract. It’s not theoretical. It’s right there in the grocery aisle, the gas pump, the monthly bills.

Republicans have spent years weaponizing inflation as a political cudgel, right up until the moment they’re the ones presiding over it. The new number? 4.2%. It’s higher than when Biden left office. Ooopsie.

The new Scott Bessent/Kevin Hasset spin is weaker than Lindsey Graham’s knees in a truck stop. “It’s complicated. It’s global. It’s out of anyone’s control.” Funny how that works.

Voters, however, tend to notice patterns. They remember who screamed about inflation yesterday and who’s shrugging about it today. Hypocrisy isn’t just a moral failing; it’s a political liability.

7. Gas Prices Are So Cheap!

And speaking of kitchen-table economics, let’s talk about the big glowing sign every voter sees on their drive home: gas prices. How watching the bill to fill up the F-250 cross the $100 dollar mark twice a week isn’t something Trump gets, but working folks sure as hell do.

You don’t need an economist to explain it. You don’t need a white paper. You just need a credit card and a growing sense of irritation as the numbers tick higher and higher. Every spike is a reminder that Trump’s war did this and that someone is in the Oval Office. The weak-sauce spin of “energy dominance” and “bringing prices down” has petered out like the rest of the “Golden Age” greatest hits.

Gas prices are the most small-d democratic political issue in America. Everyone sees them. Everyone feels them. And right now, they’re screaming a message Republicans would very much prefer voters ignore.

Good luck with that.

8. Trump 🧡 Epstein!

And then there’s the ghost at the feast. The thing they hoped would vanish under the weight of distraction, outrage cycles, and a conveniently timed war.

It didn’t.

The Epstein saga lingers, festers, and mutates. Every one of Pam Bondi’s attempts to wave it away, every vile, snarling burn book screech, makes it worse. Every redaction, every disappearing document, every moronic Gym Jordan hearing tells the public, including many Republicans, what they already know in their gut: there’s more beneath the surface. Voters know when something smells off, and the Epstein cover-up reeks like Donald’s Depends on an August afternoon.

You can try to bury a story like that. You can try to drown it in noise. But the problem with a story rooted in Epstein and Trump’s degeneracy, secrecy, and lies is that it doesn’t go away. It waits. It seeps. It corrodes.

And it’s still there, sitting just offstage, ready to walk back into the spotlight at the worst possible moment.

9. You’ve Done So Much For No One!

Other than passing a tax cut for Elon Musk, The SAVE Act is the only thing the MAGA GOP has invested any political energy in for the entire time Trump’s been in office for his second term.

That’s it. That’s your big take-home item? The soon-to-be-dead SAVE Act?

On the list of the most important problems for voters, the SAVE Act ranks around 428, just above murder hornets and below Nickelback.

It’s really a crowning achievement: a legislative agenda so thin it’s diaphanous. There’s no serious plan to lower costs, and the economic vision seems limited to tariffs and “What Does Donald Want?”

Which is why you’ve brought us shutdowns, Jordan/Comer hearings where no one emerges smarter, weak-ass hashtag spin, and a governing philosophy best summarized as “own the libs and hope Fox covers it.”

It’s almost impressive, in a bleak, end-of-empire way.

You’ve had the power, the majority, the spotlight…and what have you delivered?

Fuck-all. Gridlock, grievance, and a masterclass in doing absolutely nothing for the people you claim to represent.

Truly, gentlemen, you’ve done so much…for no one.

10. And Finally…America’s Beloved President!

And here we arrive at the main event for Republicans, especially those in swing seats…and seats are swinging harder than Trump’s favorite Florida gubernatorial candidate. (More to follow on that, friends, but there’s a literal cuck chair involved.)

Oh yes, the headliner. Big Don. The Umber Overlord. Your Daddy. Your Boss. Your God-Emperor.

The man whose gravitational political pull for the MAGA GOP is a crapulous Singularity like no other.

The man you handcuffed yourself to years ago is now a President with sagging poll numbers, deeply underwater on literally every economic issue. He’s not an uplift for you: he’s a source of relentless chaos and damage, and a governing style that can best be described as “impulse control is for the little people.”

“But muh primary” ain’t cutting it with independents and non-MAGA Republicans, guys.

He dominates the news cycle, alienates key constituencies, and turns every issue into a personal grievance marathon. And you own it. You own all of it.

Republicans aren’t just running with him; they’re running as him. His brand is their brand. His chaos is their chaos. His unpopularity is now baked into the entire ticket. Why are Democrats not just winning a few special elections but all of them?

Because Republicans know the stinking corpse of Trumpism is on their backs, and nothing will wash it away. Their base is disheartened, and their coalition is fracturing. Independents are now voting almost 3:1 for Democrats.

They can’t pivot away.

They can’t distance themselves.

They’re locked in, all the way down the ballot.

Democrats are running for once with the wind at their backs. Don’t screw it up.