Build Alligator Alcatraz: A Modest Proposal

Come for the cruelty...stay for the...well, you'll see.

Rising from the fetid, steaming, gator-and-python-choked hellscape of the Florida Everglades is a new prison. Part authoritarian monument, part MAGA scamfluencer stunt, part Ron DeSantis rehab tour, and all in service to pumping the amygdala of Republican voters with a healthy dose of fear and retribution porn, Alligator Alcatraz is all the rage.

You’ve seen the MAGA right high-fiving over it. You’ve seen liberals recoiling in horror.

Officially, it’s a “federal detention facility.”

Unofficially, it’s the GOP’s leather-bound wet dream of punitive justice, a dystopian swamp camp designed to warehouse immigrants, asylum seekers, and refugees, all in the name of the Millerite fantasy of purging America of brown people.

The plan? Simple. Build something monstrous, somewhere even Florida Men won’t tread. This wasn’t constructed for immigration control: it was built for normie and media backlash.

“I get the top bunk, Miller.”

Outrage flowed as the MAGA goon squad grinned and imagined immigrants stacked like pallets of Costco beef jerky, rotting in the heat while ICE agents clink Monster Energy cans and call it victory. The flimsy, unairconditioned tents. The chain-link cells. The swaggering cruelty. The libs were OWNED.

But Alligator Alcatraz is more than a prison. It’s a demonstration project. A symbol for a new era in which the GOP talks openly of deporting and imprisoning not just migrants, but natural-born citizens who get in their way. It’s a psychological weapon, designed to plant the image of an American jungle gulag deep in your brain.

And the Republicans know the truth—no, not just that Trump’s name is in the Epstein files. They know that power means nothing unless you use it. They know that the performance of power and spectacle is more influential than any white paper, any policy brief, any think tank panel.

Alligator Alcatraz isn’t just about immigration. It’s about fear. It’s about putting everyone who opposes them on notice. It’s about reminding you that they have the will to build places like this and the cruelty to fill them.

But here’s the thing: we’re looking at it all wrong.

I have another idea — a modest proposal, if you will.

Let’s keep Alligator Alcatraz open forever.