Qatar's Boeing Bribe: An Alternate History

As you’ve seen by now, Donald Trump is taking a big, fat bribe from Qatar.

That bribe?

A Boeing 747-800 tricked out in the most lavishly decadent Gulf-petrostate style, sure to appeal to Donald Trump’s crapulous Liberace/Saddam design aesthetic. His docile DOJ under the auspices of Pam “Thy Word Is Law, Sir” Bondi has already approved the deal with only the most superficial wave at reviewing either the legality or the ethics of taking a plane from a foreign power, and then transferring it to Trump after he leaves office.

The Bribe In Question.

Over at the Pentagon, SECDRUNK Pete Hegseth took some time to clean the spew off his shirt, roll over in a pile of Olde Ocelot bottles and used Zyn pouches and grunted, “OK, yeah, fine. A plane. Sure. Why are you yelling? Shut up and turn the lights down. Is that blood?”

This bribe is fancy: “The Qatari Royal Family initially customized the plane, which boasts five galleys, an elevator, private bathrooms, and a master bedroom that can be converted for medical evacuations. The interior features a grand central staircase, a living room with bookshelves and a TV, and a children's play area…According to the Telegraph, the overhauled jumbo jet features 10 lavatories, areas for relaxation and entertainment, an opulent presidential sleeping area adorned with gold accents, soft carpeting, and high-end leather couches, and, naturally, suites, lounges, and a fully equipped boardroom.”

“It’s gold, Jerry. Gold.”

Now, I will admit that a handful of both sane-ish Republicans like Erick Erickson, several National Review writers, and a few surprising voices on the MAGA right like Laura Loomer (don’t say her name three times in a row or she’ll appear) are weighing in on the deal and declaring it stinks on ice. When you’ve lost Loomer…

The mainstream media is doing what they do in the age of Trump; largely ignoring the implications of the story and doing a pro-forma he-said she-said and waiting for the next distraction to drop this like a hot rock and never mention it again.

Counterfactuals are hard on the MAGA mind, but I want to offer you a brief alternate history of what would have been said by both the MAGA “media” and the mainstream press if the person accepting a $500 million dollar bribe in broad daylight had been Joseph Robinette Biden.

Ready?

We’ll start with how the mainstream press would have written it and move on to MAGA’s maniacal reaction.