The Trump Gimp Suit Strategy

And why it will always fail.

Let’s kill the comforting bedtime story making the rounds in Washington right now: The “grown-ups” aren’t coming to save us from Donald Trump.

There are grown-ups who’ve stepped up in the last week: Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent and White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles and a clutch of Beltway barnacles still pretending they can zip Trump into his presidential gimp suit, stuff a ball gag in his mouth, and chain him to a radiator to keep him from burning America to the ground. Dommy Mommy Susie Wiles thinks she can contain the star of America’s Most Destructive with discipline and the right mix of pleasure and pain.

She’s wrong, of course, but it hasn’t stopped her from trying.

Ever desperate for a miracle to save Trump from himself, both the Washington power elite and some of the more credulous media apparatchiks in the White House (and no, “credulous” doesn't just mean the OAN, NewsMax, and other freaks who’ve recently joined) have been breathlessly whispering that “The grownup are in charge, finally.”

“Bring out the Gimp.”

Bless their hearts. But it’s all theater, and the building’s already on fire.

In Trumpworld, the grown-ups - those haunted, dead-eyed relics of American governance — are few, feeble, and doomed. We’re watching the same miserable production as last time, only now the curtain’s on fire and the exits are blocked by goons in MAGA hats. Remember how the “adults in the room” were supposed to wrangle Trump during his first term? That worked out about as well as breeding an army of mutant raccoons with opposable thumbs and giving them each a Glock 17. (No, I’m not breeding an army of mutant raccoons. Yet.)