WesselMania

What if Germany had social media in the early 1930s?

Periodic short fiction for your reading pleasure.

If this reminds you of, oh anything at all in our present moment, I’ve done my job:

The funeral procession of Horst Wessel was never just a funeral.

Even in 1930, with Berlin still jittery from inflation hangovers and street battles, Joseph Goebbels understood: content is king. Dead brownshirts were dime-a-dozen, but Horst, tall, handsome, shot down in his prime, was meme material, never mind the real causes of his death.

So Goebbels staged it like a blockbuster drop.

The posters were everywhere, plastered on walls with good Germanic fonts, black-and-red Germanic maximalism that would have given a Bauhaus purist a nervous breakdown. Goebbels suspected his designer might be one of those Weimar degenerates, but he worked remote and was cheap. “HORST WESSEL: BLOOD WITNESS,” the captions screamed, with a QR code at the bottom.

Scan it, and your Parteitreuenetzfernsprechgerät smartphone pulled up the Party’s official Insta grid and a donation page, artful sepia photos of Wessel looking soulful, black leather boots glinting just right, captions like “He gave his life so Germany could rise again. Will you?”

The rally wasn’t just word-of-mouth. It was a production. Digital ad placements to drive warm bodies out, banners on Reichbook, preroll video ads on MeinTube. It trended. Goebbels bought promoted hashtags: #Blutzeuge, #MartyrVibesOnly, #GermanyFirst.

Members of the SA Junginfluenzkorpspartei with ring lights filmed themselves goose-stepping in choreographed routines, racking up millions of views. “It’s not just politics,” one influencer crooned into his camera, cheekbones sharp as razors, “It’s a lifestyle.”

And because every lifestyle needs merch, Göring handled fulfillment.

The Party shop had just launched its “Horst Drop”. The limited-edition swastika armbands, black hoodies with his face screen-printed Adolph Ziegler-style, and enamel pins in the profile of Horst’s face.

On ReichBook, the “Blood Witness Premium Membership” was driving huge traffic. Perks included early access to rallies, meet-and-greets with up-and-coming SA HitTokers, and a free Horst emoji pack for messaging.

By the time the day of the rally arrived, Berlin was already doomscrolling it in real time.